Tuesday, February 22, 2005

err ok i think

Have you ever thought u were over someone?? I thought i was or at least over the worst of it, but i just cant get her out of my head. She will barely talk to me and tells me to go away like a servant or something. Welcome to the world of the subhuman. Its so hard to see why she wont even be my friend, thats all i want - well thats not strictly true but id be happier with it than how it is now.
But jess is great, for someone who ive only met once she makes such a huge difference to my day. Just a txt can bring me back to myself, i only wish we lived closer, then i would never have to write the depressing shit like above. Just want to be happy - is that too much to ask??? Now i have two people who can make me happy. Jess just does it, and caris could do it if she wanted to, but i dont know how to tell her how much it hurts me.
Another day another piece of crap. Speaking of which i handed my english coursework in today. Have no idea how it will go. I think its alright really but i seem to have artistic differences with my teacher. Oh well.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Meanwhile back at the ranch...

Yay!! Back at Flodge. Away from mother at last and the nazi g-rent. Saturday was awesome, i met up with a girl off paceparty and she was everything i imagined and wished for!!! Shes sweet and sexy and dirtier minded than me sometimes. For anyone who knows me they will find that hard to believe. And had a great time with her in the afternoon despite having to get up at 4 in the morning to fly back to the UK - it had been snowing all week but not settling, so when did u think it decided to settle??? Uh huh - saturday moring as i was leaving. Not even enough time to make a bloody snowball!!!
Oh well its supposed to snow this week in Winchester - thatll be awesome. We had a freak blizzard thingy last year and lessons were pretty much cancelled all day coz nobody else showed up. I just got the attendance as well as the fun. There were some random people going down a hill out the front of college in a CANOE!!!! Where the fuck it came from seems to be a great mystery but is one of the random things that happens at college that makes it so great.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Holidays?????

Ok, ive been in germany since sunday, thought it would be great but ive hardly seen anyone, and had a disaster of a night out on tuesday. First plans changed so we didnt go to Alex's bar for half price cocktails - good news for my wallet and liver. We decided we dgo to the cinema on PRB - was supposed to be showing the forgotten - BUT IT WAS SHUT FO NO FUCKING REASON!!!! Lol. so iwent home and drank about half a bottle of vodka on my own to the despair of my parents. hehehehe. Grandad is here - great im now sleeping on the floor, and arguing about his racism. some of the things he says are awful. Like we should sent all immigrants back home - even if its a battle ground, just give em a gun he says. tit.
But im out in bielefeld tomorrow night, and then in guildford saturday. My god im gonna have one hell of a hangover on sunday for going back to flodge. But i cant wait ive been missing everyone. LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN!!!!!!!!

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Love sucks dont do it!!!!!

This is really depressive - so if ur in a mood dont keep reading. I fell in love with my girlfriend - now my ex - a little unusual i dont think, but hey. I pretty got dumped for it tho, and the relationship rumbled on a sclose friends coz we live in the same boarding house. It went wrong over christmas and ever since i havent been able to touch her, i offer her my love, friendship, a listening ear. She wants none of it. I make her feel "uncomfortable," the other night she blocked me on MSN for saying hey! I feel like im being blamed for how i feel, i feel so inadequate. I can and could never make her happy and live upto her ex. I cant blame her for how she feels - only for how shes treating me. The loss of the friendship is what hurts me the most - i cant live like this anymore. Sorry for being such a whinger, im just trying to get some finality on the situation as nothing else has worked.
But it has showed me who my real friends r: alex, roxy, eleri and jess especially. Thanx for being there guys.